How we unf-ck
Every service. step by step.
The shape of an engagement, per service. Pick the row that fits. Every step is AI-first, senior-reviewed, priced in days or weeks. Humans do the decisions. The machine does the volume. Nothing in the middle is allowed to slow us down.
When a finding sits outside our confidence (regulated compliance, specialist platforms, legal evidence) we say so and bring in a trusted, vetted third party alongside us. We don't bluff what we don't know.
Unf-ck Audits.
4 steps
The £1,000 teardown. Commissioned when you're out of trust and out of options. Most clients come to us at this step and stop here, the report tells them what to do, whether that's with us or not.
Step 01
Send us the URL.
Contact form, email, DM, whatever. One URL and a line about what's bugging you. No call required to start. We begin the same day.
What cowboys do
Kickoff workshop. Scope-of-work doc. Statement of work.
What we do
URL in. Work started.
Step 02
We run the teardown.
AI runs the scans (Lighthouse, axe, Screaming Frog, custom crawlers). A senior reviews every finding in person. Nothing goes in the report unless it's real, prioritised, and written in plain English.
What cowboys do
Junior analyst fills in a template.
What we do
Senior writes every line, AI does the grunt work.
Step 03
Report delivered.
PDF plus a 20-minute walk-through video. Prioritised by impact. Formatted so a non-technical reader can follow it. Cited to agreed standards so a solicitor can build from it if needed.
What cowboys do
100-page deck, 3 things that matter buried in it.
What we do
One sharp document. Findings, severity, fix list, cost range.
Step 04
You decide.
Commission the rescue with us, take the report elsewhere, or sit on it for 90 days. We'd rather you got it fixed than held hostage to us. If the work's bad enough, we'll point out your options, including the legal one.
What cowboys do
12-month retainer presented as the 'next step'.
What we do
Walk away, or come back, or refer us. We get paid either way.
Audits · ready to start?
Start with step 01. send us the url.
Unf-ck Static / CMS.
5 steps
WordPress, Squarespace, Webflow, or something hand-rolled. The flagship rescue. We diagnose, triage the mess, rebuild what's broken, launch without theatre, then stay close.
Step 01
Diagnose.
Full audit of what's there. CMS lock-in, plugin debt, performance, SEO damage, content health. Most rescues start with an audit either way; this step re-uses it if you've already commissioned one.
What cowboys do
Eight-person kickoff. Discovery workshop.
What we do
Scripts running within hours, senior reading findings within days.
Step 02
Triage.
We sort findings by impact and effort. Tell you what to fix first, what to replace, what to leave alone, and what's technically broken but commercially irrelevant. Fixed quote on whatever you sign off.
What cowboys do
Quote a full rebuild. Always.
What we do
Fix £200 problems for £200. Replace £5k problems for £5k.
Step 03
Rescue or rebuild.
AI does the volume, scaffolding, migrations, image compression, schema generation, content draft work. Senior writes every decision. Daily progress link; you see the work as it happens.
What cowboys do
Junior dev on £400/day billing £800/day senior rates.
What we do
Senior writing code, AI accelerating the parts that should be accelerated.
Step 04
Launch.
Automated QA (Lighthouse, axe, broken links, schema, redirects) runs before deploy. DNS cutover is scripted. Old redirects mapped. Search Console resubmitted. 10-minute launch, not a 3-week 'soft launch'.
What cowboys do
Soft launch spanning three weeks, bug reports billed as 'phase two'.
What we do
Smoke test, deploy, sanity check, done.
Step 05
Maintain.
Every rescue includes 30 days of post-launch cover. After that, optional monthly care plan keeps monitoring, patches, and small updates running. Leave with 30 days' notice. No hostage.
What cowboys do
12-month retainer with a minimum.
What we do
Rolling monthly, no minimum, clean handover if you go.
Static / CMS · ready to start?
Start with step 01. send us the url.
Unf-ck Ecommerce.
5 steps
Shopify, WooCommerce, BigCommerce, Magento. Same shape as a rescue but revenue-weighted: we stop the bleed before we rebuild. Every day offline is money gone.
Step 01
Diagnose.
Revenue-first audit. Checkout funnel, payment gateway reliability, platform health, integration chain. We time every step of the purchase on real devices and show you exactly where buyers give up.
What cowboys do
Generic site audit. Checkout an afterthought.
What we do
Every revenue-bearing path timed and stress-tested.
Step 02
Stop the bleed.
Critical fixes first, broken payments, crashed checkouts, failed order emails. These ship within a week, sometimes same day. Before the rebuild even starts, the leak is patched.
What cowboys do
Rebuild first, hope the bleed stops.
What we do
Stop the bleed in week one. Rebuild underneath.
Step 03
Rebuild checkout + cart.
The highest-leverage pages. Product, cart, checkout, confirmation. Redone with conversion and reliability as the goal, not the theme. A/B testable, instrumented, properly observable.
What cowboys do
Theme-swap. Pray.
What we do
Structured rebuild. Measurable before-and-after.
Step 04
Re-platform or retain.
Sometimes the platform itself is the problem. We tell you whether to stay or migrate, and if migrating, we plan the redirect map, the data move, and the SEO continuity before we touch anything.
What cowboys do
Migrate to impress the board. Lose rankings.
What we do
Migrate (or don't) based on actual economics.
Step 05
Maintain.
Ecommerce never stays still. Care plan covers platform updates, integration drift, payment-gateway changes, content refreshes, and a monthly revenue-hygiene pass.
What cowboys do
Ghost after launch.
What we do
Monthly pass, rolling, honest dashboard.
Ecommerce · ready to start?
Start with step 01. send us the url.
Unf-ck Care Plans.
3 steps
The plan that keeps the site unf-cked. Smaller than a rescue. Rolling monthly. No lock-in. You can add us to a site we didn't build if the work looks clean enough.
Step 01
Onboard.
Access handover, monitoring setup, dependency snapshot, baseline Lighthouse. We document the state of your site on day one so we can show you exactly what drifts.
What cowboys do
Handover doc that dies in the Dropbox.
What we do
Monitored state of play. Living dashboard.
Step 02
Monthly cycle.
Each month: security patches applied, dependencies bumped where safe, broken links checked, content updates handled, performance re-run, one monthly summary email with numbers.
What cowboys do
Retainer hours 'burnt' whether used or not.
What we do
Fixed fee, fixed scope, everything remaining rolls over.
Step 03
Annual review.
A proper audit against the year's changes. What's drifted? What's new in standards (WCAG, Core Web Vitals)? What should the next year's plan be? You get the report either way.
What cowboys do
Forget you exist, bill the retainer.
What we do
Review, recommend, decide together.
Care Plans · ready to start?
Start with step 01. send us the url.
Unf-ck SEO.
4 steps
For sites where the SEO got sabotaged, not polished. Technical first, content second. We don't do monthly blog-filler retainers; we fix what's actually broken.
Step 01
Technical audit.
Indexation, canonical chaos, schema gaps, redirect loops, content cannibalisation. The audit is signed off before any fix begins, so you know what you're paying for.
What cowboys do
Screaming Frog spreadsheet, no interpretation.
What we do
Prioritised findings, written in English, by a senior.
Step 02
Fix plan.
Ordered by impact and effort. Quick wins this week. Structural fixes this month. Content architecture this quarter. You see the full plan before you commit.
What cowboys do
18-month roadmap sized for retainer bill.
What we do
90-day plan sized for results, with exit points.
Step 03
Content + architecture.
Rewrite the pages that carry commercial weight. Fix the internal linking. Delete the thin content doing more harm than good. AI drafts, senior edits, client signs off.
What cowboys do
Monthly blog posts nobody reads.
What we do
Pages that actually rank and convert.
Step 04
Monitor.
Six months of ranking and traffic monitoring. Monthly summary. We flag drift and fix it. After six months: leave, extend, or roll onto a care plan.
What cowboys do
Ongoing retainer forever.
What we do
Six months, then your call.
SEO · ready to start?
Start with step 01. send us the url.
Unf-ck Paid Ads.
4 steps
Google, Meta, LinkedIn. Flat fee rather than 15% of ad spend. You keep your accounts and your data. Weekly dashboard with actual numbers, not decks.
Step 01
Account audit.
We go into your existing ad accounts and tell you exactly where the budget is going. Wasted keywords, wrong match types, audience overlap, bad creative, bad tracking. Itemised.
What cowboys do
Onboarding call that uncovers nothing.
What we do
List of wasted spend. By line. With screenshots.
Step 02
Reset + test.
Campaigns restructured. Conversion tracking validated end-to-end. Small-budget test phase to de-risk the scale-up. You approve before we scale.
What cowboys do
Move everything, pray, bill the same.
What we do
Test, prove, then scale.
Step 03
Scale what works.
Weekly creative and audience iterations, budget moved to winners, losers paused the same day. AI helps with creative volume; a senior runs the strategy.
What cowboys do
Monthly optimisations for 'steady improvement'.
What we do
Weekly. Fast. Honest.
Step 04
Weekly dashboard.
Shared dashboard. Spend, CPA, ROAS, by channel, by campaign, by creative. You see what we see, when we see it. No monthly reports dressed up as insight.
What cowboys do
Monthly deck with colour-coded charts.
What we do
Live dashboard, same data we work from.
Paid Ads · ready to start?
Start with step 01. send us the url.
Side by side
Cowboys vs us. the maths.
Applies across every service. Typical figures from the last ten engagements, benchmarked against what clients were quoted by the agency that built the original mess.
| Cowboys | Us | |
|---|---|---|
| Kickoff | 2-week discovery workshop | 30-min call |
| Design rounds | 3–6 weeks | Same week |
| Build | 10–16 weeks | 2–3 weeks |
| Total timeline | 5–6 months | 3–5 weeks |
| People billing | 5–8 | 1 senior + AI |
| Starting price | £25k–£50k | From £1k (audit) / £3k (rescue) |
| Post-launch | 12-month retainer | Rolling monthly, 30 days' notice |