Services
Seven services. two categories. One senior.
We specialise in stabilisation, rescue and recovery. Most clients find us when they've given up on their current agency and don't know who to ask for a second opinion.
Evidence-grade audits
When the work is bad enough, the audit doubles as the document. Formatted for solicitors, cited to agreed standards, signed, the technical case your dispute will need. We don't give legal advice; your solicitor does.
Category 01
Websites.
We specialise in stabilisation, rescue and recovery. Diagnose what's broken, stop the bleed, rebuild what's worth keeping, or help you get your money back from whoever built it.
- 01 Start here · two tiers
Unf-ck Audits
Two tiers. £250 initial review in 1–2 days, headline scores, commercial impact, top 3 findings. £1,000 full audit: 50+ pages, 100+ checks, 10 scored categories, and a signed expert recommendation.
- ✓ 50+ pages, 100+ checks, 10 categories scored
- ✓ Commercial impact in £ · expert next-step opinion
- ✓ Money-back if the report is useless to you
Full detailsPrice
From £250
Timeline
1–5 days
- 02 Flagship
Unf-ck Static / CMS Website
WordPress, Squarespace, Webflow, or something hand-coded by a developer who's now unreachable. Rescue, rebuild or migrate, fixed fee, scope set from the audit findings.
- ✓ Small brochure site: £1,500–£3,000, 1–2 weeks, fixed fee
- ✓ Internally audited to 90+ score before launch, or we don't ship it
- ✓ Bigger / deeper scope: quoted from the £1,000 full audit findings
Full details (coming soon)Price
£1,500–£3,000
Timeline
1–2 weeks (brochure)
- 03 Specialist
Unf-ck Ecommerce Website
Shopify, WooCommerce, BigCommerce, Magento. If your store crashes during sales, bleeds revenue at checkout, or fails payments half the time, we find it, fix it, and stop the leak.
- ✓ Checkout, payments and integrations
- ✓ Conversion-focused, not cosmetic
- ✓ Platform-agnostic, opinion-heavy
Full details (coming soon)Price
From £5,000
Timeline
1–4 weeks
- 04 Ongoing
Unf-ck Care Plans
We don't ship and ghost. Monitoring, security patches, content updates, and a human to email when something looks wrong. So your site stays unf-cked and nobody can break it behind your back.
- ✓ Uptime + security monitoring
- ✓ Monthly content + copy updates
- ✓ 30 days' notice to leave, always
Full details (coming soon)Price
From £250/mo
Timeline
Rolling
Category 02
Digital Marketing.
Your site works; nobody's coming. Or they are, and you're paying 15% to an agency to watch the budget disappear. SEO, paid ads and social, run properly, shown honestly.
- 05 Technical + content
Unf-ck SEO
Indexation sorted. Redirects fixed. Schema done properly. Content gaps mapped. For sites where the SEO got actively sabotaged, not polished, not optimised, sabotaged.
- ✓ Technical audit + fix plan
- ✓ Content architecture overhaul
- ✓ Six months of monitoring included
Full details (coming soon)Price
From £1,500
Timeline
4–6 weeks
- 06 Performance
Unf-ck Paid Ads
Google, Meta, LinkedIn. For businesses paying an agency 15% of spend to watch juniors test creative on their dime. We run it in-house, show you the dashboard, charge a fee, not a cut of your budget.
- ✓ Flat fee, not % of ad spend
- ✓ You keep the accounts and the data
- ✓ Weekly dashboard, real numbers
Full details (coming soon)Price
From £1,500/mo
Timeline
Rolling
- 07 Content + distribution
Unf-ck Social
For the businesses whose 'social media agency' posts beige inspirational quotes three times a week. We make content worth showing up for. AI for volume, senior for voice. No trend-chasing, no cringe.
- ✓ Content built around your actual customers
- ✓ Platform-specific, not cross-posted mush
- ✓ Quarterly review, pivot when it's not working
Full details (coming soon)Price
From £1,200/mo
Timeline
Rolling
Not sure what you need?
Find your row. pick the fix.
Pick the row that sounds like your week. If none fit, send us a URL and we'll tell you.
- 01 Audit first
You've emailed, called, chased. The agency that built it won't reply.
Get the facts in writing. Then decide what's next.
- 02 Audit first
You've been told 'it's fine' by three agencies and it clearly isn't.
The second opinion you wish you'd had before.
- 03 Audit (evidence-grade)
The work is so bad you're wondering if you have grounds.
Our reports have been used in contract disputes. We can help.
- 04 Unf-ck Static / CMS
Site's slow, ugly, or doesn't convert, and it's not a shop.
Rescue, rebuild, or migrate. Fixed fee.
- 05 Unf-ck Ecommerce
Your store crashes, leaks revenue, or drops payments.
Stop the bleed first. Rebuild second.
- 06 Unf-ck SEO
Site works. Rankings don't.
Technical first. Content second. Done properly.
- 07 Unf-ck Paid Ads
You're paying an agency % of ad spend and don't know what you're getting.
Flat fee. Your accounts. Real numbers.
- 08 Unf-ck Social
You pay someone to post inspirational quotes and regret it.
Content worth showing up for.
- 09 Unf-ck Care
You built it yourself and need it kept alive.
Rolling monthly. No lock-in.
Pricing snapshot
Everything. in daylight.
Real numbers. Not ranges that turn into "it depends" on the call. Scope is in the brief, so the price is the price.
| Service | Starts at | |
|---|---|---|
| Unf-ck Audits Start here · two tiers | From £250 | Details |
| Unf-ck Static / CMS Website Flagship | £1,500–£3,000 | Details |
| Unf-ck Ecommerce Website Specialist | From £5,000 | Details |
| Unf-ck Care Plans Ongoing | From £250/mo | Details |
| Unf-ck SEO Technical + content | From £1,500 | Details |
| Unf-ck Paid Ads Performance | From £1,500/mo | Details |
| Unf-ck Social Content + distribution | From £1,200/mo | Details |
+VAT where applicable. Payment plans on anything over £3k.
Common questions
Quick answers. including the legal one.
I'm not sure the work I paid for is bad, just that something's wrong.
That's most of our clients. You know the site doesn't work. You don't know whose fault it is, or whether it's technical, design, or something sketchier. The audit exists for exactly this. £1k. A week. Written report. You'll know.
Can your audit support a legal claim or help me break a contract?
Potentially. Some audits surface findings that go beyond 'mediocre' and into 'not delivered to professional standard'. When that's the case we can structure the report so your solicitor has something concrete to work from, findings cited to agreed standards, signed by a named senior. Acting as a technical expert in a dispute is something we'll consider case-by-case. We don't provide legal advice; your solicitor does.
Can we combine services?
Yes. Most engagements start with an audit, roll into a rescue, and end up on a care plan. Each step is priced on its own merits, fixed-fee. Digital marketing services stack cleanly on top of any website engagement when the timing makes sense.
What if my site isn't as broken as it feels?
We'll tell you. The audit is designed to pay us to be honest. If the fix is a quick win, we'll scope that instead of selling you a rescue you don't need. If the site is actually fine, we'll say so and refund most of the fee.
What if a finding is outside your expertise?
We say so, plainly. If we're unsure how to fix something or unsure how to advise your existing team on it, we never bluff, we bring in a trusted, vetted specialist who works to the same standards. We only partner with people whose track record matches ours. You don't pay extra for the introduction; you pay the specialist directly at rates we negotiate, and we stay alongside to keep the work honest.
Do you work outside the UK?
Occasionally, for referrals. Default is UK SMEs. Every service is priced in GBP and scoped for UK regulation, UK GDPR, cookies, accessibility, CMA.
Still not sure?
Send us the URL. we'll tell you which.
30-minute call, no deck, no sales team. We'll look at your site live and tell you which service fits. If none of them do, we'll say that. If you've got grounds, we'll tell you that too.