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Service 01 · Audits

48 hours from now, you'll know.

Exactly what's wrong. Exactly what it's costing you. Exactly what it'll cost to fix. Signed by a named senior. Plain English. £250. Money-back if the report is useless to you. If you think it's bad, it's probably worse than you think. We'll prove it.

Book £250 audit · 48 hours Compare tiers

Two tiers

Low-risk first step. deep deliverable.

Start with £250 and find out whether the site's actually as bad as it feels. It probably is. Upgrade to the £1,000 full audit only if the review says it's warranted. Most don't need it.

First step · for all audits

Initial Review

£250

48 hours 5–10 pages

The fastest route to 'is this actually as bad as it feels?'. A concise review that tells you whether a deeper audit is warranted, and gives you headline scores you can act on either way.

  • ✓ Headline scores for 5 core categories
  • ✓ One-paragraph commercial impact estimate
  • ✓ Top 3 most-critical findings
  • ✓ Clear recommendation: full audit warranted / targeted fix / no significant issues
  • ✓ 20-minute phone walkthrough if you want it
  • ✓ Money-back if the report is useless to you. No argument.

Outcome: A written decision document. Not a sales doc.

Book initial review

The deep one · 100+ checks

Full Audit

£1,000

Inside one week 50+ pages

The complete teardown. Every revenue-bearing, reputation-bearing, compliance-bearing system on your site, scored and cited, with an expert opinion on what to do next and who should do it.

  • ✓ All 10 categories scored out of 100, with sub-checks cited
  • ✓ Commercial impact in £/month across ongoing and likely risks
  • ✓ Prioritised fix list: quick wins, structural fixes, big projects
  • ✓ Our opinion on the right next step (including: do nothing)
  • ✓ What we'll fix ourselves vs. what needs a vetted specialist
  • ✓ Signed by a named senior. Yours to keep. Shareable.
  • ✓ Money-back if the report is useless to you. No argument.

Outcome: The document every subsequent decision flows from.

Book full audit

+VAT · Payment before work begins · Money-back if the report is useless

The ten categories

Every audit, same shape. scored out of 100.

Ten categories, ten checks each, 100 individual items scored, cited and written up. Weightings shift per service (ecommerce leans harder on conversion; SEO leans harder on architecture) but the structure is consistent so you can compare like for like.

  • 01

    Performance

    Core Web Vitals, mobile / desktop speed, asset optimisation, caching, CDN, render path. Where the buyer gives up before the fold appears.

  • 02

    SEO

    Indexation integrity, canonical chains, internal linking, schema, content architecture, backlink health, migration readiness.

  • 03

    Security

    HTTPS enforcement, security headers (HSTS, CSP, X-Frame), plugin and dependency CVEs, admin hygiene, rate limiting, WAF coverage.

  • 04

    Accessibility

    WCAG 2.2 AA across contrast, keyboard navigation, screen reader, form labels, focus states, ARIA integrity. Legal exposure under UK Equality Act / EAA.

  • 05

    CMS & Ownership

    Editability for non-technical staff, domain and hosting control, repo and credential ownership, handover readiness. How hostage are you.

  • 06

    Content

    Thin and duplicate content, freshness, conversion-readiness of core pages, voice consistency, content-to-intent alignment.

  • 07

    Conversion

    CTA placement and clarity, funnel friction, form complexity, trust signals, social proof positioning, abandoned-cart and lead-capture mechanics.

  • 08

    Code & Infrastructure

    Technical debt, framework and dependency currency, version control hygiene, deployment pipeline, staging parity, observability.

  • 09

    Analytics & Privacy

    Tracking integrity, GA4 / GTM ownership, consent mode and cookie compliance, GDPR / PECR posture, data retention, subject-access readiness.

  • 10

    Commercial Impact

    Revenue or lead loss attributable to current issues, cost of inaction, ROI of the prioritised fix plan. The number that decides whether to proceed.

A senior at a dimly lit desk under a green banker's lamp, sleeves rolled up, sorting through photographs and findings.

Signed by a named senior

Not a template tool. A person with thirty years on the clock.

Every audit carries a signature. That signature is a standing bet: if the report is wrong or useless, you don't pay. The name on the cover is personally responsible for what's inside.

A metal archive drawer pulled open to reveal rows of brown manila folders, each tagged with a handwritten label.

The deliverable

50+ pages, 100+ checks, one signed document. Keep it, file it, share it with your solicitor if it comes to that.

Sample output · dummy data

What one looks like. on a horror show.

Below is an illustrative sample of a full-audit output for a typical WordPress brochure site we've been asked to review. Every number and finding is dummy, but the structure, depth and shape match what you'd receive.

See samples for every service

Unf-ck Audit · Sample · Dummy Data

[ Placeholder Site, 34-page brochure, WordPress ]

Unfit for purpose. Immediate stabilisation recommended. Rebuild strongly advised within 90 days.

Commercial impact: £8,400–£11,900/month estimated loss. £27,600–£41,000 potential annual lift from stabilisation + rebuild.

Overall score 38/100 RED
  • 01 Performance
    28/100 RED

    LCP 5.8s on mobile, 12 render-blocking scripts, images unoptimised, no CDN, no asset caching.

  • 02 SEO
    41/100 RED

    127 pages with duplicate titles, no structured data, sitemap excludes 34 pages, 61 301-chains detected.

  • 03 Security
    19/100 RED

    8 plugins with open CVEs, no WAF, /wp-admin exposed, no 2FA, HSTS missing, CSP absent.

  • 04 Accessibility
    36/100 RED

    234 contrast failures, 67 images missing alt text, 3 form fields unlabelled, no skip-link, focus states removed.

  • 05 CMS & Ownership
    52/100 AMBER

    Domain registered to previous agency. GA4 property in their workspace. Repo not handed over. Hosting shared on their tenancy.

  • 06 Content
    58/100 AMBER

    18 pages under 150 words. Duplicate boilerplate across 7 service pages. Blog last updated 14 months ago.

  • 07 Conversion
    34/100 RED

    Primary CTA below the fold on 6 high-intent pages. Contact form has 11 fields. No trust signals above the fold. No case study surface.

  • 08 Code & Infrastructure
    24/100 RED

    47 plugins, no repo, no deployment pipeline, page-builder dependency (Elementor), inline styles across 3,800+ elements.

  • 09 Analytics & Privacy
    47/100 AMBER

    GTM fires marketing tags before consent. No consent-mode v2. Cookies policy 18 months out of date. Analytics access in agency's name.

  • 10 Commercial Impact
    42/100 RED

    Est. £8.4k/mo loss from performance + conversion. Est. £3.5k/mo risk from security exposure. Est. 22% organic traffic ceiling from SEO debt.

Our recommendation

Immediate stabilisation (security headers, plugin CVE patches, admin lockdown): 2–3 working days at £650. Then a full brochure rebuild on a modern static stack with owned CMS, 1–2 weeks, fixed fee £2,400, internally re-audited by us against the same 100-check framework before launch, delivering a 90+ score across every category or we don't ship it. Alternative: do nothing for 90 days and re-audit, we'd advise against that given the current security exposure.

After the audit

We fix what we can. and not what we can't.

If we can deliver it to our standard in-house, we will. If your existing team should do the work and just needs a proper brief, we'll write it. If a finding is outside our confidence, we say so plainly and bring in a trusted, vetted specialist alongside us. We don't partner with anyone whose track record of cleaning up other people's mess doesn't match ours, and we don't pretend to know something we don't.

  • 01

    We can deliver it in-house

    Rescue, rebuild, migrate, SEO fix, care plan, ads reset, content pipeline. If it's inside our senior team's competence, we scope it fixed-fee and get on with it.

  • 02

    We advise your existing team

    If you've already got developers, marketers, or an agency and the answer is to brief them better, that's cheaper than anything we'd quote. We'll write the brief, review the work, stay out of the way. If we're unsure of an area we say so, and bring a vetted specialist in alongside us.

  • 03

    We bring in a vetted specialist

    When a finding is outside our confidence (legal evidence, accessibility certification, regulated-industry compliance, bespoke platform depth), we say so plainly and bring in a trusted third party. They work to our standards. We only partner with people whose track record of cleaning up other people's mess matches ours. Pretending to know something we don't is how cowboys stay in business. We take the other road.

  • 04

    We tell you not to do it

    Some fixes cost more than they return. Some rebuilds are premature. Sometimes the honest answer is to wait, reprioritise, or walk away. We'd rather you trusted next year's call than felt ripped off by this year's.

Legal / evidence use: When findings fall short of professional standard, the audit can be structured so your solicitor has something concrete to build a case from. Cited to agreed standards. Signed by a named senior. We don't give legal advice; your solicitor does. Acting as a technical expert in a dispute is something we consider case by case.

Pricing

From £250 to full rescue.

Three steps, priced fairly at each one. No retainer trap. No hidden extras. Pay for what you need, walk away after any step.

  1. 01

    £250 initial review

    48 hours. Headline scores, top three findings, commercial impact in £. Money-back if it's useless.

    Book
  2. 02

    £1,000 full audit

    50+ pages, 100+ checks, inside one week. Signed by a named senior. Only needed if the initial says so.

    Book
  3. 03

    Rescue / rebuild

    Brochure rebuild from £1,500 (90+ score guaranteed). Deeper work quoted from the full audit. You decide, not us.

    Services

FAQs

The honest answers. including the awkward ones.

Why £250 for an initial review instead of just going straight to the full audit?
Because sometimes the full audit isn't warranted. The £250 review tells you in 48 hours whether yours is a two-day fix, a deeper issue, or genuinely catastrophic. If it's bad enough to need the full audit, we'll say so. If it isn't, you've spent £250 instead of £1,000 and you know where you stand.
What does '50+ pages, 100+ checks' actually mean?
Every full audit covers ten categories. Each category has ten checks. That's 100 individual checks, each with its status, evidence and commercial implication. We've never delivered a full audit under 50 pages because the document needs to be self-contained, a non-technical reader can follow it, and a solicitor could build from it if it ever got that far. If your site is in good enough shape for the report to come in shorter, we'll say so up front and refund the difference.
You'll tell us the site is fine if it actually is?
Yes. Most audits turn up real problems. Otherwise we don't stay in business. But when the site is already in decent shape, the audit becomes a short document that says so, flags the things worth improving, and refunds the bulk of the fee. We're paid to tell the truth, not to manufacture work.
Can the audit be used to support a legal claim or contract dispute?
Potentially. When findings fall short of professional standard, the report can be structured so your solicitor has something concrete to work from. Findings cited to agreed standards. Signed by a named senior. Written so a non-technical reader can follow it. We don't give legal advice (your solicitor does), and we don't maintain a legal referral panel.
If the audit finds problems, does that mean you automatically do the rescue?
No. You decide. If we can fix it we will, at whatever fixed-fee scope the audit findings point to. If we can't, we'll tell you and flag a vetted specialist. Sometimes the honest answer is 'don't fix this, rebuild' or 'don't rebuild, migrate' or even 'live with it for now and revisit in 12 months'. The audit produces the opinion. The decision is yours.
What platforms do you audit?
WordPress, Squarespace, Webflow, Shopify, WooCommerce, BigCommerce, Magento, Wix, hand-rolled static, Astro/Next/Nuxt/Remix, the SME lot. Weirder platforms (Drupal, Craft, Sitecore, Sitefinity) we'll look at and honestly tell you whether we're the right team.

£250 · 48 hours · money-back

Start with the initial. no-brainer if you're unsure.

£250 turns "something's wrong, I don't know what" into "here are the scores, the top three issues, and what we think you should do next". Inside 48 hours. Money-back if it's useless.

Book £250 audit · 48 hours See sample audits